Pretty, Productive & Privately Exhausted

The High-Functioning Christian Woman’s Fear of Stillness

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

Let’s talk about the dirty forbidden 4 letter word......

R-E-S-T

I did not grow up in a home where rest was normalized.

Sleeping in late?

Absolutely not.

Idleness?

An abomination.

In my upbringing, productivity was deeply connected to discipline, responsibility, worthiness, and staying in good graces.

You stayed busy.

You stayed useful.

You stayed productive.

And honestly?

That mindset served me well for a long time.

It built my work ethic.

My discipline.

My drive.

My ability to function under pressure and still produce excellence.

I became high-functioning very early in life.

And as long as I had something to DO…

something to BUILD…

something to ACCOMPLISH…

I felt safe.

Whew.

Because productivity became more than behavior for me.

It became identity.

The problem is…

when your nervous system becomes conditioned to productivity, rest starts feeling unsafe.

And that’s exactly what happened to me.

In 2014, despite having a master’s degree, I found myself unemployed.

Now let’s pause there because people don’t talk enough about what unemployment does to the mental health of high-achieving women.

Especially women who have tied their identity to performance, accomplishment, leadership, and being “the strong one.”

At first, I managed it fairly well because I still had my dissertation research.

I was still “working toward something.”

Still productive.

Still building.

Still striving.

So mentally, I could justify my worth through progress.

But once I earned my PhD…

and still struggled to secure opportunities that reflected the level of sacrifice, excellence, and education I carried…

something in me slowly started breaking.

Not publicly.

Because high-functioning women rarely fall apart publicly.

We unravel internally while still smiling externally.

And if I’m honest?

That season wrecked my confidence.

I couldn’t afford salon appointments.

Couldn’t afford regular manis and pedis.

Couldn’t afford the fashionable clothes that once made me feel polished and put together.

And whew…

that messed with me more than I like to admit.

Because underneath all my degrees, leadership, faith, and intelligence…

I had rooted pieces of my identity in superficial things I thought validated my worth.

I felt ugly.

I felt behind.

I felt less than.

I felt invisible.

Imagine earning a whole PhD and still battling insecurity because your external life no longer matched the image of success you had attached your identity to.

Whew.

That’s the part people don’t talk about.

And because I was “out of the way” during that season — not highly visible socially, not heavily connected to professional circles — the only people consistently seeing me were the children connected to our nonprofit work.

I poured into kids while privately questioning my own worth.

And eventually?

I became comfortable feeling less than.

Read that again.

I became comfortable minimizing myself.

That’s what survival mode does.

It slowly trains you to settle emotionally in places God never intended you to live mentally.

Then COVID hit.

And suddenly… everybody was forced into stillness.

The whole world slowed down.

The same discomfort I had quietly been battling internally became a global experience.

And during that season…

God drove me deeper into Him.

Into study.

Into silence.

Into reflection.

And one day during my study time I came across something that literally shook me to my core:

REST IS A COMMANDMENT.

Whew.

Not a suggestion.

Not a luxury.

Not something reserved for people who “earned” it.

A commandment.

God literally commanded rest.

And that revelation wrecked me.

Because instantly I realized:

God had to command rest because He already knew humanity would treat it like it was optional.

And high-functioning women?

We are some of the worst offenders.

We will run ourselves into emotional depletion while calling it purpose.

We will ignore our bodies, minds, and nervous systems, trying to prove our value.

Meanwhile the King has already spoken:

REST.

LISSEN, HIGH-FUNCTIONING EXECUTIVE QUEEN…

THE KING HAS COMMANDED YOU TO REST.

Whew.

But honestly?

I don’t even think the commandment was just about stopping work.

I think God was trying to get our attention.

Because eventually God introduced me to something my nervous system had never truly experienced before:

A place where I had to do absolutely nothing…

and was still completely loved.

Completely adored.

Completely accepted.

Completely seen.

And for a woman who had spent most of her life feeling like she had to earn love through performance, usefulness, achievement, sacrifice, or productivity…

that wrecked me to my core.

Like wait…

I don’t have to perform here?

I don’t have to prove anything?

I don’t have to sing, pray, preach, serve, fix, build, overgive, or emotionally exhaust myself to be loved by You?

I can just sit here…

in Your perfect love?

Whew.

Have you ever been there?

That place where God finally teaches you that your worth was never attached to your productivity?

That place where your nervous system slowly learns that peace is safe?

That place where you realize:

rest is not weakness…

it is trust.

I mean, we literally think we have to handle EVERYTHING, and God is like I have the whole world in my hands every day, moment by moment, and you can't trust me with your world for 24 hours

That once again wrecked me.....

Trust that God can sustain what you stop carrying.

Trust that your value does not decrease when you slow down.

Trust that you are loved even when you are not performing.

And honestly?

God has extended all of us a weekly invitation into that kind of rest.

A weekly Rhythm of a Sacred Sabbath

Once a week, I hand my entire calendar, planner, to do list, not just the tangible things but my internal calendar, my internal to-do list, that mind that never wants to turn off.....

And I REST in the Stillness of God's presence..... It has healed me in ways that I can not explain.... It has regulated me in ways words can not articulate...

And God has extended this same blessing to you....

The question is:

Will we accept it?

God introduced me to what I now call:

Kingdom Regulation in His Presence.

Whew.

Not regulation through performance.

Not regulation through productivity.

Not regulation through coping mechanisms alone.

But regulation through being fully anchored in the presence of God.

And honestly?

I had never experienced anything like it before.

Because for the first time in my life…

Every emotion came to rest.

The striving stopped.

The proving stopped.

The overthinking stopped.

The performing stopped.

All the internal noise that had been running through my nervous system for years…

quieted in His presence.

And for a woman who spent most of her life believing she had to earn love, earn approval, earn safety, earn validation, earn belonging…

that kind of rest felt almost uncomfortable at first.

Because in His presence I realized something life changing:

I was already beautiful.

Already adored.

Already fully known.

Already fully loved.

Without performing.

Without producing.

Without overgiving.

Without exhausting myself.

Whew.

Talk about a hard reset.

Not a vacation.

Not a temporary break.

Not escapism.

A complete spiritual, emotional, and nervous system reset.

The kind that happens when your soul finally realizes:

“I am safe here.”

And honestly?

That changed everything for me.

Because kingdom regulation taught me that peace is not found in accomplishment.

Peace is found in presence.

His presence.

The place where striving ceases.

Fear loosens its grip.

Performance dies.

And your identity becomes fully anchored in the love of God instead of the applause of people.

That is the kind of rest many high-functioning women are truly craving.

Not just physical rest.

Soul rest.

I Sabbath every Monday .......will you join me?

Because real healing is not just behavior modification...

It is heart transformation.